Years ago I moved to Seattle, WA and thought it was the right choice. I thought I would be happy there. I started to meet new people and these people partied a lot. There was so much drinking and drug usage that I had no experience with. I was new to all of it, new to the lifestyle and new to the state. I began to partake in the partying, experimenting different drugs and making more and more "friends." Partying every weekend was my life. When I didn't partake I felt lonely and left out.
I got to a point where I was partying during the week and going into work sick and feeling awful. I thought I was happy. I thought I wasn't doing anything wrong. Why was I so lonely when I didn't go out and drink and use drugs and party with my so called "friends?" What was I hiding from?
I was losing myself and going too far.
One night I finally realized I was done. I was at a friends house "partying" and I started to feel awful. I couldn't breathe and my heart was slowing down. I swear I was out. I had no control over my body and could hear everyone around me freaking out. I heard someone say that I was OD'ing, but no one would call the paramedics. Those people were not my friends. They clearly didn't care about me. I know that God saved me that night. A few days later I packed up everything and moved back home, back to California where I should have never left. I was so embarrassed, hurt, and mad at myself for putting myself through all of that.
I began to attend church and began to let it all go. I carried so much hatred in my heart for such a long time but I no longer do. I have released it. I still think about that day and those 4 years in Seattle. I was stupid but, I thankfully got another chance. I am not defined by what happened.I know who I am and I know I am a strong woman.
I am Thais, I am a Brave Babe. I love and accept myself.