Monica Loney

My life came to a halt and my heart shattered into pieces as you spoke the words, "I don’t want to be with you anymore. I am over this all." Yes we had been fighting most of the days, stress for both of us was at an all time high, but I always thought I had the upper hand. I always thought that if things would come to an end, I was the one making that decision and you would be left to pick yourself back up again. Thank you for this move. By ending it, you helped expose the realities we called 'us' but more importantly the realities I called 'me.' 

So here are a few thank you's I send with love in my heart from a woman becoming much wiser. 

Thank you for finally being honest with me but waiting what seemed like a lifetime to do so. 

You were checked out for months and did not have the courage to speak your truth. Your actions that led to numerous fights and trust issues spoke this louder than words ever could. But I thank you for waiting as long as you did. If you had mentioned any doubt about us sooner, I would not have believed it. I needed the actions and arguments to reveal the truth along with the blunt force of those words you spoke that heart shattering day. So thank you because now I know all the warning signs and I am much more vigilant. Actions do speak louder than words and the next man or men that come into my life are being held to that statement.

Thank you for being brutally real with me about my faults so that I can continue to work on bettering myself. 

Until you broke down the reasons why you left, I had no clue how deep I had fallen into 'us' and distanced myself from 'me.' Over our time together I had put so much into the relationship and less and less into myself. I got wrapped up in helping you thrive 'for us' and neglected the woman I am now becoming. The brutal truth is that helping support you through all your hardships (and trust me I was put through the ringer), left me in the end alone, broke, exhausted and lost. You should have been a part of my life but not my whole life. So now I dive deeper into myself and continue to uncover why I pushed my own goals and dreams aside for 'us.' I lost myself and without this relationship ending, I do not think I would have ever fully found 'me' again. I would not have been able halt the needy, codependent person I started to become. Future relationships now have my partner enhancing my life, not being my life... And what a life I am building! 

Thank you for reminding me that a person has to want to change for themselves, not for someone else. 

Ending the relationship how you did, after all you did, drove me to reflect on the issues I had with you from the start. I got real and asked myself "why did I really put up with that?" Sure it was not all hardships, we had good times but there were those bad times too. We had a roller coaster relationship filled with moments where I swore I would leave and never did. I accepted your apologizes for things that any self respecting woman would not tolerate. Each time, I thought my heartache would make you change and you did, momentarily. Now you are not a bad guy, I understand you have your own personal issues too, which is why I hold no grudges for what had occurred. We both played a vital role in the downfall and accepted faults in each other which we should not have. This invoked me to write a list on what I will and will not tolerate in relationships. Most importantly, no longer do I hold the notion in my head that "he will change" because this experience has taught me no matter how much a one nags, begs or pleads, a person will not change until he/she is ready themselves to do so. 

Thank you for showing me that loving someone should not be the only reason you stay. 

A relationship is so much more than just sharing love because love is something that never goes away. Perhaps the form of it alters but it never truly disappears. We grew apart in many ways but held on so tight because of love. A relationship is multi-faceted and if all that is left is the love, you are settling by staying in it. A person needs to feel equally wanted, emotionally supported, share common interests and the conversations need to involve more than "how was your day?" There needs to be trust and honesty and a willingness to be open with emotions. Commitment from both sides to nurture each other's personal growth within and outside the relationship must be present. Love is the backbone to everything required in a relationship but, it itself cannot stand alone. I hope your next relationship requirements have been filled fully and backed up with the kind of love we had once shared. As I said, love never goes away so I still care for you. I just now know that the love had altered its form and you were right to end it; there were so many elements missing. 

Now to those who this resonates with, read out loud with me:

To the man that broke my heart, I thank you. I still grieve for the good times we had and the future I thought would proceed. I grieve for friends and family we have gained in this relationship and the ones we will never meet. I grieve for the idealistic and naïve youth we once were, thinking love could conquer all. I still grieve these things and it will take me some time. But know that I no longer grieve over the mistakes we both have made throughout our adventure. It has been a chaotic ride but lessons were learned along the way and that is what life is about. We are on a path in life and you walked by my side for many reasons. It seems now it is time for us to turn down separate roads and I want to thank you for our journey.

I am Monica, a Brave Babe. I love and accept myself.


Kindra Murphy3 Comments