Growing up in a completely untraditional family I couldn't have had a more clear idea of what my future would look like.... A husband, wife (me) and our adorable children with a picket white fence... The traditional family right?? The older I became the more I realized that becoming attracted to women wasn't the most traditional thing to do, let alone falling in love with one. I was afraid of not only what my friends would think, I couldn't imagine what my family would think. I had dated men my entire life (with a few secretive flings with women) but it all changed when I met my now fiancé Nicole. With her, all the doubts, fears and preconceived notions about what my future should look like completely faded away. I no longer care what "normal" looks like as long as I am genuinely happy. That's all that matters. I have never felt more respected, adored, and supported as I do now in this relationship.
Growing up I was an incredibly athletic kid. I played volleyball, softball, danced, and did gymnastics. I took a particular liking to softball and played for 20 years, truly living the term "eat sleep breath softball." I was an all around super competitive athlete my entire life; even earning a scholarship to play softball in college. I maintained an amazing figure through all of my daily activities, so weight was never an issue no matter what I ate.
I graduated college and started life in the real world and everything changed. I finished school, finished playing softball, started my career, and had just started my relationship with Nicole, which took up most of my time. I felt a sense of freedom now that I didn't have a ridiculously consuming schedule from sports and school and allowed my health to decline tremendously. I worked hard but I started partying even harder. I began eating and drinking whatever I wanted because I was finally able to do so without worrying about an early morning practice or game. I was so excited to travel and hang out with friends that I hadn't seen while I was in college. Within a two-year span it was if I blinked and gained 50 pounds. Wow! What a change in my life that made!!! As someone who is only 5'1, 50 pounds made an impeccably noticeable difference.
I became so depressed and so ashamed of my body I completely shut down. I quit my job, stopped hanging out with friends, and avoided going places where I thought I could run into people I knew. It took a HUGE toll on my relationship with my girlfriend because she gained weight as well. I was no longer attracted to Nicole (and vice versa) not because she looked heavy but because of the lifestyle that came along with gaining the weight. We didn't work out, didn't do anything active. We just sat around and drank alcohol. I've always been a social person, but never one to be insecure or unhappy with who I was so I KNEW I needed a change.
I remember the day perfectly. January 2016, I was sitting on Facebook depressed as ever when I saw an ad for Khloé Kardashians new show Revenge Body. It was for people who were unhappy with their body and wanted to completely transform mind, body, and soul. I don't think I even read through before I started the application. Could there have been a better opportunity at that point in my life? No! The application was very lengthy and I cried throughout my entire entry because I was so excited about it yet so angry at myself that I even felt I needed to apply to a weight loss show.
All emotions aside, I knew this is what was going to change my life and sure enough, after what felt like a lifetime, I was chosen to be a cast member. Best of all, they read my story and wanted my girlfriend Nicole to join in on this journey with me. During the taping of the show Nicole and I lost a combined total of 90 pounds. Her 50, me about 38. I was surprised at the end of the show when Nicole proposed to me at Dodger stadium!! I could not believe it. Remember, I'm a HUGE sports fan (GO Dodgers!) so I could not believe they were able to pull off the most amazing proposal ever!!!
It's been a year since we started the show and about 4 months since our episode aired and we are still doing great! I have kept off all the weight and continue to eat healthy and exercise about 4-5 times a week. It was never just about the way I looked, it was about the way I felt. Living unhealthy is bound to make you feel like shit and I refuse to feel that way. Losing weight was by far the hardest thing I've ever done, but truly if it was easy, everyone would do it! You HAVE to dig down deep and KNOW that the results are going to feel amazing!!! If I can do it, I know you can too!!!
I am Samantha, a Brave Babe
I love and accept myself.