Robert Urquhart Jr

First Brave Babe Man to share his story is Robert:

The Title For This Started So Very Differently

...and I feel like that’s okay really.

When I was eleven, early 1997, I didn’t have a dream job but I did still have a favorite color and that color was blue. Now I work a job that didn’t even exist then and I just find comfort in any sight that makes me feel something.

Make me feel something, please.

My father died that year, of natural causes.

The death-grip like hold of self-diagnosed and self-treated depression held my hand and walked with me for quite a few years to follow.

I don’t remember being sad when I was eleven. I do remember not making the honor roll though, because that weighed more than being sad then.

…and I feel like that’s okay really.

I remember a conversation with myself years later because I wasn’t where I thought I’d be in life. I couldn’t name one thing that I felt was an accomplishment. In that conversation I talked about dying. I never actually wanted to hurt myself, but I did consider what the best option would be if I had to do it myself. I guess you could say that I weighed the pros and cons of suicide.

That’s such an ugly word…but its truth and truth isn’t always attractive.

…and I feel like that’s not okay really.

When I was twenty five I felt that my biggest accomplishment was that I hadn’t died yet.

Yea, that was the best thing I felt that I had ever done.

Having an idea of what that feels like makes you wish that you could take those feelings and lock them away.

I’m thirty years old and I’m not dead yet.

I’m still alive. I’ve learned that sometimes it takes a bunch of small victories to equal an accomplishment. So for now I write…

I write poems for the losers.

I write poems for the lovers and the wretched.

I probably fall in love 10 times a day and with anything around me because the laughter of a child is precious and the way the trees dance with the winds captivates me so.

I know how delicate it all is and I want to take in as much as I can.

The title for this started so very differently,

…and I feel like that’s okay really.

I am Rob,

I love & accept myself

Kindra MurphyComment