My name is Sara. Most everyone knows me as a happy, bubbly, young woman, and I really truly am. I am extremely grateful for my life and everyone in it. I am very blessed in many ways, I have it pretty well at the moment. However, my life has not always been all sunshine and smiles. I have been praying about this for awhile and have decided I am at a point in my life where I am ready to tell my story. So I thank you in advance for giving this opportunity to share it.
Let me start by saying my childhood was amazing. I look back on it fondly. I was blessed with innocence, love, and shelter. I had an incredible family. My sister was and still is my best friend. My parents were happily married and loved us unconditionally. They taught us manners, values and how to have fun. We went on vacation every summer, not to anywhere super fancy, but we went together and created memories that I will cherish forever.
When I was in third grade my mother was diagnosed with breast cancer. My dad took time off of work to help her through this time. She went through chemotherapy and radiation and had such a huge support system. She joined an online group for women fighting cancer and she received beautiful scarves from woman all over the world so she would have something pretty to wear when her hair fell out from the treatment. My mom fought hard and still to this day is cancer free. I am beyond grateful that she made it through.
When I was in eighth grade my dad was diagnosed with cancer. I could not fully understand how serious it was. I knew cancer was bad, but because my mom survived her run with cancer I was hopeful that my dad would as well. The doctors said he would probably make it three months. He had surgery to get it removed and proved the doctors wrong. He was brave, wise and a fighter. He fought his fight with cancer a little over a year. I honestly thought he was going to pull through and go back to his old self. I thought he would be going back to work and we would continue going on family vacations. I thought life would be back to normal. Then one night in the summer his health got very bad and the doctors said he had to go to hospice. I remember being fifteen years old sitting on my couch with my mother and she had to explain to my sister and I what hospice was. She said that the fight was over and the new goal was to make him comfortable.
I was completely devastated. In the last hours of my dad’s life he had a smile on his face and tried to tell us how pretty it was. I held his hand until his last breath. I know he is with Jesus now and not hurting anymore. I find comfort in that but miss him every single day.
People often ask me how high school was for me, if I was a cheerleader or if I had a ton of friends. Truth is high school was awkward for me. I had a few close friends, and I was not a cheerleader. Losing my dad hit me hard so I spent a lot of high school just trying to get by. The friendships I had in high school were lifelong friendships and I still talk to most of the friends I had during that time. My friends were there for me and my family through the worst time and continue to be through all of the good times. They always knew how to put a smile on my face and still do.
When I was a junior in high school I got my first job as a waitress. This season of my life is one of the hardest times for me to talk about. Most people I know do not even know this about me. I try to not think about it, but it weighs on me, and keeps me up at night. I haven’t accepted it for a long time. My faith is so strong now. I love and trust God to help me heal from this. I know part of healing is sharing my story. So in order to become the type of woman I feel God calling me to be I have to share my story.
My boss at my first job was not a good man. He groomed me to trust him, he tried to make me think that he was a good fatherly influence, and then he took advantage of me. I was so naïve, innocent. I wish I would have known better. I was sexually abused for about five months. Parts of it replay in my head on repeat, other parts are fuzzier and less clear because unfortunately alcohol was involved. I felt so alone and so isolated. I felt ashamed and guilty. I ended up eventually finding the strength to report it and he served some time in jail. For years I have not dealt with this, I have just tried to pretend it never happened. But I am finally ready to heal and grow. Things like this unfortunately happen more often than we like to admit, which is one of the many reasons why I am choosing to tell my story. If it can help anyone, I am more than willing to let God work through me to help anyone who needs it.
My life now is focused on becoming the woman God is calling me to be. Career goals for me are going back to college one day to become an interpreter for the deaf and hard of hearing. Personal goals for me doing everything I want to do in life and getting my voice back. I felt silenced for too long. I now accept every chapter of my life, good, bad and ugly. God has beautifully written my story of my life for me and I am excited to see where He takes me next. I am resilient, smart and strong. I am grateful for every day. Life is a gift and it is short. I try to not let the little things stress me out because Lord knows I have had some serious stressors in my life. Perspective really is everything. Some people who have similar stories may have a completely different life than mine. However, I am a fighter, a lot of my chapters in my life are just shattering, but the way I see it is with God I can come past all of that. I have a happy healthy life and am not in an unhealthy situation anymore and that is a miracle. Some people think I am so happy because I have not lived, but it’s the opposite, it is because I have lived and made it past those times that I am so happy. I have an amazing gift of spreading happiness; God has truly blessed me in this way. I use it every opportunity I can because I find it super important that everyone knows that they are valuable, worthy and loved. People fight silent battles every single day that they may never let anyone know about, I know, I have been there. I will continue to spread my joy and happiness and when necessary even the ugly parts of my life to help anyone in need. This note to you has been extremely healing and therapeutic and I truly truly thank you for listening.
My name is Sara, I am a Brave Babe.
I love an accept myself.