I’m thirty-three years old from the south side of Chicago. Throughout my life I have dealt with anxiety and depression. I have little to no memories of my childhood, teenage years, or early twenties. Repressed memories that my therapist and I have been working toward recovering. However, it’s the reasons behind those memories that have been coming about. Witnessing the emotional and sometimes physical abuse between my parents and being molested at a very young age. All of this has been haunting over the past year and a half. It has pushed me toward suicide, but luckily enough I have friends that have protected me from myself. I have just finished Graduate school and I’m going after my dreams while recovering and growing. It’s incredibly hard and there are many days I want to quit. Sometimes I don’t know why I don’t, but I’m moving forward one day at a time. I have begun to embrace my Agender and Pansexual identity while not being fully accepted by my family. Being Agender and Pansexual in an environment that does not accept it nor wants to understand is an everyday battle that leaves me often feeling alone and unwanted. I have hidden myself away for years so I don’t have to feel the sadness. When I was faced with the decision last week to end my life or keep going despite the pain and fear, I made a hard choice. I wish I had the absolute answer that my life would be sunshine everyday, but things aren’t meant to be that way. However, even in the darkest night, there are lessons to be learned. I know I’m not the only person to feel beat up and unloved and that makes me want to be there for those who feel that way. Just like my friends were there for me. I want to change the world for those who don’t have a voice. I believe that is the lesson I am learning in the dark. I look forward to the day when I live under my chosen name that reflects who I am and all the freedom that comes with it.
I am Friday, a Brave Babe
and I love and accept myself